I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
