So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
