I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
