I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
