i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
