When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
