Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
