I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
