I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
