yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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