If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
