fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
