Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
