You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
