Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
