I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
