i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
