I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
