Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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