3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
