I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
