He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
