He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
