Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
