Define "chronic" masturbator.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
