you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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