I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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