don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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