No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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