Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
