I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
