I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
