wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Are we still banned from the library?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
