i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
