i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
