You made me cry and you don't even care
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
