Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
