Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
