if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
