when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will pee on everything he values.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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