He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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