I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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