apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
