I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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