I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
