My liver just broke up with me...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
