Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
