I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
