there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
