People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
