I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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