This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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